The #Girl on the Passenger Seat of Jacob Juma’s Mercedes S500

Dear Cheryl Kitonga.

This is one among hundreds of letters written to you that you might or might never read but nevertheless, I feel obliged to contribute to the raging debate so here are my few nuggets.

One, I choose empathy. You are not dead yet so you still stand a chance or a million chances. Welcome to life. You can redeem yourself. You can re-organize and re-direct your path in life. However, there’s a monster you will have to tackle. You are in the middle of a murder puzzle. Here’s my advice. If you want to rise above your circumstances, if you want to concur your current predicament, don’t go the victim of circumstances way. Own up. Face difficult truths. Embrace the fact that you might be the only one believing in yourself. The only one believing in your innocence, in your remorse, your regret, your apologies. This is the high time to teach yourself to be your own number one fan. After all, you understand yourself better.
Two, in life, we experience dents. Some are permanent, others are repairable. I’m not sure where yours falls, but the good thing is, whether permanent or not, you have the power to make the scars beautiful and worth while. Make your limp graceful.
Three, the standard practice in life is that when you fall into a pit, you will have way too many sympathizers. You cannot afford to be one of them. As they growl, harrumph, scowl, and woishe in pity on your behalf, focus on finding your way out. Never bank or get distracted by the pity parties. A few will reach out to you but a majority will choose the less tedious job of spectating. Countless time you will rise and just when you are about to reap out you will miss a step and fall back. Rise back again and try once more.

Four, in your healing process, you will face difficult truths. One, if you ever find yourself in court, this is what will happen. Your character will be questioned further. Secrets you had rather kept to yourself will be laid bare. Difficult questions will be asked and revelations made. One thing you have to understand is that your freedom depends on all that. Your healing depends on you acknowledging all those skeletons. Again, you will be tempted to play victim to go the gender attack way. But remember, a victim is a product of the circumstances he encounters. A victor is a product of the decisions he makes in the circumstances he encounters.

Five, apologise if you wish to, (and you will have to), but only to the very concerned people. Trust me it reduces the guilt and solidifies the healing. Begin by apoligising to yourself.
Six, welcome to the world of cyber trolls. By now, you have seen all those memes, all those sentences coined that have you as the verb, adverb, adjective, and God knows what else. Don’t mind us. We will get over ourselves with the next drama. Do not mind the trolling. It takes a broken man to break another. Deep in our closets, we struggle with adultery, fornication, porn addiction, hatred, bitterness, anger, incest, gossip, slander, poverty, frustrations, and whatever else so trust me, your scandal was such a welcomed distraction from the guilt and hopelessness our miserable entrapments, don’t let our keyboard morality fool you.

Finally, there is a reason why whoever allowed whatever happened to you happen to you. (I don’t want to presume you believe in God). The positive side is, it is because you are a strong girl being made stronger. It is because He/they/it had confidence in your capacity to handle this storm. Because He/they/it needed to re-direct your path to something better. You have a lesson from this class of life you can share with people and help them. Make the best and positive out of this.
Very lastly, this is the perfect time to make Jesus your best friend. On those nights and days when you get overwhelmed, when you know no one understands, when everyone is/seems busy, talk to Him. He hears. He answers. He never judges. And His love and company is free and limitless. Seek Him. He can be found.
Praying for you, your loved ones, the Jumas, and all other involved hearts. Grace and Peace that surpasses human understanding to you all.

Kind Regards,
Random stranger.

Author: Wambui ga Kimotho